Depression does not always present itself as visible sadness. In some men it may appear alongside irritability, isolation, alcohol use, risky behaviours or a constant need to stay busy. Recognising these forms of distress can help ensure that help arrives sooner.
He gets up, goes to work, answers messages and keeps meeting whatever is expected of him. From the outside, perhaps no one would say he is depressed. He does not spend the day crying or talk about sadness. He is simply more irritable. He has stopped meeting his friends because he "doesn't feel like putting up with anyone". He works late, sleeps worse and drinks a bit more than usual. When someone asks how he is, he answers almost automatically: "Tired".
This picture does not describe all men with depression, nor is there an exclusively male way of experiencing it. The classic symptoms —loss of interest, low mood, hopelessness, fatigue, difficulty concentrating or sleep disturbances— also appear in men. However, some research suggests that certain men may express or cope with distress in ways that are less easily recognised as depressive: getting angry, isolating themselves, using substances or trying to stay permanently busy.
The problem is obvious: if our mental image of depression is only someone sad who admits to feeling down, we may overlook the person who has been suffering for months while apparently continuing to "function". Understanding these differences is not about creating a new illness, but about expanding our capacity to recognise suffering.
Depression does not always wear the face of sadness
When we think of depression, we usually imagine persistent sadness. And indeed, it may be present. But one of the core symptoms of a depressive episode is also anhedonia, that is, a marked decrease in interest or pleasure. A person may not say "I am sad" and yet discover that they no longer enjoy what they used to look forward to all week, that everything requires an enormous effort, or that they go through their days with a kind of emotional indifference.
To this can be added fatigue, sleep and appetite disturbances, concentration problems, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, hopelessness and thoughts related to death. Depression is diagnosed based on the overall set of symptoms, their duration and how much they interfere with life; not on a single way of behaving. The National Institute of Mental Health also points out that some men may appear especially irritable, angry or withdrawn, or turn to substances and risky behaviours.
This matters because it is possible to become accustomed to distress. "Lately I'm unbearable", "I just need a holiday", "I've become antisocial" or "I've run out of patience" can describe everyday experiences unrelated to depression. But if those changes appear alongside loss of interest, exhaustion, hopelessness or a sustained deterioration in functioning, it is worth asking what is going on.
Irritability and anger: when distress turns outwards
A depressed man may cry and openly express his sadness. But it may also happen that what others observe is, above all, anger.
Comments he would once have ignored begin to irritate him. He argues more easily, has less patience with his children or his partner, and feels that everyone demands too much of him. He may shut himself away after an argument or respond with hostility when someone tries to ask how he is. From the outside, the situation may seem like simply a matter of character.
Research, however, invites us not to oversimplify. A systematic review and meta-analysis by Anna Cavanagh and colleagues brought together 32 studies with more than 108,000 participants and found some differences between men and women with depression. The men reported problematic alcohol and drug use, and behaviours related to risk or poor impulse control, more frequently or intensely. The differences, however, did not appear in all symptoms and do not allow us to speak of two completely different depressions.
Therefore, irritability does not automatically mean depression, nor should aggression be justified by it. A person remains responsible for how they treat others. What matters is understanding that a persistent change in the way someone relates to others may be one more piece within a much broader picture.
Working more, drinking more or never stopping
Sometimes, suffering becomes visible precisely through what we use to avoid feeling it.
One person may start spending more and more hours at work. Another fills every free moment with the gym, video games or activities. Someone begins drinking every night "to switch off". Another drives more recklessly, seeks out intense situations or makes impulsive decisions. None of these behaviours is in itself a diagnostic symptom of depression, but they can function as strategies to temporarily escape certain emotional states.
Researchers interested in the so-called "male depression" have studied precisely these externalising patterns: anger, substance use, risky behaviours, avoidance and difficulties recognising or expressing vulnerability. Some specific scales have been developed to try to detect them, although the concept remains a matter of debate and these behaviours also appear in women and in people without depression.
A well-known study by Lisa Martin and her colleagues analysed data from a large US survey. When they incorporated symptoms such as aggression, substance use and risky behaviours into the traditional measures, the difference in depression rates between men and women narrowed considerably. The result was suggestive, but it does not prove that all these behaviours are "hidden symptoms" of depression: they can appear for numerous reasons and some may correspond to other psychological problems.
The useful question, therefore, is not "does working a lot mean being depressed?", but rather what function that behaviour is serving and what else has changed around it.
"I'm fine": why some men find it hard to ask for help
Recognising the problem is only one part. Afterwards, it has to be talked about.
Many men have been taught, in more or less explicit ways, that facing problems means solving them alone. Enduring, not complaining, staying in control and not showing vulnerability can become important components of certain ways of understanding masculinity. When depression appears, asking for help may then feel like admitting failure at something that supposedly should be manageable without help.
A systematic review led by Zac Seidler examined 37 studies on masculinity and help-seeking for depression. The results indicated that greater adherence to certain traditional masculine norms could influence the way distress is expressed, attitudes towards treatment and the very decision to seek help.
That does not mean that "masculinity causes depression" or that all men refuse to talk about their emotions. There are enormous individual, cultural and generational differences. But seemingly harmless phrases such as "problems are solved, not talked about" or "there are people far worse off than me" can contribute to delaying a necessary conversation.
Paradoxically, the more a person tries to protect their image of strength, the more isolated they may end up feeling.
Which signs are worth looking at together
We do not need to turn every bout of anger, tiredness or period of isolation into an alarm signal. We all go through spells when we sleep worse, have less patience or need to be alone.
What should draw more of our attention is the sustained change compared with how that person used to be and the accumulation of several elements. A man who has gone weeks without enjoying anything, sleeps badly, distances himself from those he loves, starts drinking more, is constantly irritable and claims that nothing matters to him presents a very different situation from someone who has simply had a bad week.
It may also be the case that others are the first to notice the change. Instead of starting with "I think you're depressed", it is sometimes easier to describe what we observe: "You've been sleeping very little for weeks and you don't come to anything anymore", "I've noticed you're much angrier lately" or "it seems like nothing excites you anymore". That opens a conversation without immediately imposing a diagnosis.
And there is one sign that should never be minimised. Talking about not wanting to go on living, feeling like a burden, thinking that others would be better off without one, or expressing intentions to harm oneself requires immediate attention. In the event of risk of suicide or self-harm, professional or emergency help must be sought, and the entire responsibility must not be left to an informal conversation.
Asking for help does not require hitting rock bottom
Depression is treatable. Depending on the case, psychotherapy, pharmacological treatment or a combination of both may be used, along with interventions aimed at specific problems that may be maintaining the distress.
The first step does not have to be saying "I think I have depression". It can be something much simpler: "I haven't been myself lately", "I can't enjoy anything anymore", "I'm angry all the time" or "I'm relying too much on alcohol to switch off". A primary care doctor or a mental health professional can help assess whether these changes are part of a depression, another psychological problem, a medical condition or a combination of factors.
Recognising distress also does not require adopting a particular way of talking about emotions. Some people need to verbalise what they feel for a long time; others connect better with highly practical interventions, aimed at identifying problems and making concrete changes. Psychological help can be adapted to those differences.
Depression can hide behind someone who keeps functioning
Perhaps one of the most dangerous images of depression is thinking that it is always obvious. There are people who continue working, caring for others, doing sport and answering "all good" while their inner life gradually narrows.
In men, certain forms of socialisation may mean that part of that suffering appears less as recognisable sadness and more as irritability, isolation, substance use, risk or a need to never stop. But there is no "men's depression" perfectly separate from the depression of the rest of the population, and none of those behaviours on its own allows a diagnosis to be made.
The important question, perhaps, is not whether someone "seems depressed". It can be far more useful to ask ourselves how much they have changed, how much they are suffering and how much effort it already takes them simply to keep functioning. Sometimes, depression does not begin by saying "I am sad". It begins by saying "I'm tired", "leave me alone" or "nothing's wrong with me" too many times in a row.
Source: Pol Bertran Prieto. (2026, October 12). Depresión en hombres: síntomas que no siempre parecen depresión. Portal Psicología y Mente. https://psicologiaymente.com/psicologia/depresion-en-hombres-sintomas-que-no-siempre-parecen-depresion